Wednesday, September 17, 2008

the curtains close on a kiss god knows, we can tell the end is near

Mr. G will be home soon. It's been really fun guest-blogging in his absence. I'll post once more, after Secret Plan #1 goes down, but other than that I plan to recede back to my proper place behind the scenes. Maybe the boss will let me out again some time, when the need is dire and only goblincraft will do. Thanks to everyone for your supportive comments and emails.

In the past five weeks of guest-blogging here, I have said a few things, often in jest, here and in emails, that might have been misinterpreted or misunderstood. With that in mind, I'd like to offer the following retractions:

  • My book, The Very Naughty Dragon Magician, will not be coming out this spring. It will be released next fall.

  • The Discount Anteater does not have a drooling problem. He has typhoid.

  • I have the strength to recognize that I do, in fact, know how to let you go.

  • I did not, in fact, kill Amanda Palmer. Ben Folds did.

  • I am not scared for this world or for me.

  • Mr. G did not go to China to kidnap a panda, but to put the torch to J.K. Rowling's extensive opium fields.

  • I have no plans to try not to breathe. These eyes are not the eyes of the old. I did try to burden you; I did not hold these things inside. I tried to worry you.

  • That was, in fact, my beautiful house.

  • The missing persons post was not, in fact, a trailhead and it was in very poor taste to imply to the Hon brothers that it might be.

  • I struck that picture no more than a handful of times, nowhere near ninety.

  • Despite sweetly urging the original trespass, I didn't actually want you to give me my sin back; I just wanted to kiss you again.

  • There was no benefit of ill. I did not find that better was by evil still made better, nor that ruined love, when built anew, grows fairer than at first, more strong, far greater. I was not rebuked to my content, nor gained by ills thrice more than I had spent. If anything it was more of a loss of five times the spending.

  • There will, in fact, be cake. Delicious, moist, gluten-free cake.

Hmmm. I think a few of those retractions were to personal emails. And to songs I sang in the shower. Ah well.

Things I meant to do during my time here but either never got around to or otherwise failed to do:

  • pick a mock-fight with John Scalzi

  • write a post completely in rhyming couplets

  • find a way to slip in "so I herd you like mudkips"

  • get the Fabulous Lorraine to write a guest post

  • say something worthy of noting in The Beat

Your final goblin tab closings:

For those of you coming to the Library of Congress National Book Festival, don't forget to wear a black carnation in your buttonhole and/or a feather in your hat! I completely forgot to order either, am not a hat person, and probably won't be wearing anything with buttons, so will be sporting neither, but I hope that the rest of you show greater initiative.

For the interested, I am planning to continue blogging at (feed), though I may take a short rest first.

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